Saiyuki Fairy Tales
by WhiteWings9
Summary: Remember the time when you were young? You watched those Disney fairy tale cartoons or read bedtime stories. This fic is basically about the Saiyuki characters acting them. Cinderella, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Little Red Riding Hood, everything! Re
1. Cinderella Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Cinderella

Roles

Cinderella - Cho Hakkai

Evil Stepsisters - Anastasia - Sha Gojyo

- Drizella - Dokugakuji

Evil Stepmother - Genjo Sanzo (death glares)

Fairy Godmother - Kanzeon Bosatsu

Prince (or in this case, princess) - Yaone

King - Kougaiji

Duke - Son Goku

Messenger - Lirin

Narrator - Homura

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin. Needless to say, Sanzo and Gojyo rounded up on him to give them a better role.

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Cinderella - Part 1

Hakkai got ready in his rags behind the curtains. The scene is made to look like a kitchen. Lirin and Goku pulled the curtains and the lights on as the audience clapped.

"Once upon a time," Homura started as the narrator, "in a faraway land, there lived a lovely young girl - I mean, guy - I mean, girl - by the name of Cinderella.

"Cinderella lived with her stepmother and two stepsisters," Homura continued. Sanzo, Gojyo and Dokugakuji, all dressed in fine clothes, went on stage. Sanzo was glowering. "Her stepmother spoiled her own daughters, Anastasia and Drizella, with fancy clothes and stuff, but treated Cinderella badly and only gave her rags to wear and crust to eat."

Hakkai got up and gave a bow to Sanzo with a smile.

"To top it all, her stepmother gave her countless chores to do," Homura narrated.

"Are you done cleaning the kitchen yet?' Sanzo snarled. He paused and looked blankly at Hakkai.

"Hurry up!" Jiroushin hissed, doing his job as a prompter. "You still have the laundry to do!"

"Hurry up!" Sanzo repeated. "You still have the laundry to do!"

"Yes, stepmother," Hakkai said meekly.

"Forgetting lines? Sign of old age," Gojyo muttered with a grin before fixing a look of disdain at Hakkai. He opened his mouth and paused, looking blank.

"Ugh, look at you!" Jiroushin prompted exasperatedly.

"Ugh, look at you!" Gojyo repeated, his face red. "You better hurry up and get going with cleaning my room!"

"And mine too!" Dokugakuji said.

"Yes, Anastasia, Drizella," Hakkai said meekly.

"Come, boys," Sanzo said as he 'went out' of the stage.

"Girls!" Jiroushin hissed. Sanzo ignored him.

Gojyo and Dokugaji followed Sanzo, strutting passed Hakkai.

The curtain closed. Behind the curtains, everyone went in a frenzy as they took out the cardboard fireplace, the wooden table and chairs and replaced it with a throne and a magnificent oak table. They're changing the scene to look like a throne room.

"Why did you have to forget your lines?" Jiroushin yelled at Sanzo and Gojyo. "Don't forget it this time!"

"It's not fair!" Gojyo said. "Hakkai gets the main role, but his lines are so short! I thought all main roles have long lines!"

Jiroushin ignored him and went over to help out with the re-arrangement.

Kougaiji took his place on the throne. Goku sat behind the oak table. The curtain rose.

"One day at the castle," Homura said. "The king is complaining to the high duke again."

"It's high time my son - I mean, daughter - married with a gentleman and settle down!" Kougaiji said. "I want grandchildren! I want it!"

"Yes, Your Majesty," Goku said. "But these things take time. The princess haven't found a proper gentleman yet."

Kougaiji sighed. Then he suddenly brighten up. "I know!" he said.

"What?" Goku asked. "Are we having lobsters for dinner today?"

Jiroushin was horror struck. He waved frantically at Goku. Goku caught sight of him and waved back. The audience craned their neck, trying to see who Goku was waving at.

"No," Kougaiji said with a frown. "I was thinking of a grand ball. We'll have all gentlemen gathered so my daughter could choose."

The curtain fell. Everyone started demolishing the stage of its furnitures again to replace it with another kind. Jiroushin stormed towards Kougaiji and Goku.

"What do you mean by your ad-libs?" he yelled at Goku. "And you! Why did you replace son with daughter, prince with princess?"

"I think it's silly to let Yaone take the role of a man, and the men to take the women's roles," Kougaiji said. "And anyway, they're wearing men's clothes!"

"Yeah!" Goku said.

"Why don't you just change your script a bit? Make it a male Cinderella," Kougaiji said.

There was a pause. "Oh, alright," Jiroushin said. "But no more crazy ad-libs!"

The demolishing is finished. Sanzo sat down on a red velvet chair as Gojyo and Dokugakuji took their places in the middle of the stage. Hakkai stood by them with a broom. A cardboard door was placed in front. Jiroushin gave the okay sign for the curtain to be pulled open and he ran helter-skelter back behind the stage.

Gojyo and Dokugakuji began singing. Dokugakuji ran out of tune, and Gojyo nudged him. Hakkai, as Cinderella, swept the floor as he watched the 'stepsisters' at their singing lesson. Sanzo merely looked bored. Jiroushin, seeing this, felt like going out on stage and shaking him.

"Back in Cinderella's mansion, the stepsisters were in the middle of their singing lessons when there came a knock on the door," Homura narrated.

Just then, there was a knock on the cardboard door. Lirin stood, dressed like a royal messenger.

"Hakkai - " Sanzo started.

"Cinderella!" Jiroushin hissed urgently.

"Cinderella," Sanzo said, looking like something sour was in his mouth. "Get the door!"

"Yes, stepmother," Hakkai said and went over to the cardboard door. He opened it.

"In front of Cinderella stood a messenger from the palace," Homura narrated.

"Hello, hello!" Lirin said eagerly.

Jiroushin smacked his forehead with his palm. It wasn't in the script, that hearty hello!

"May I help you?" Hakkai asked with a smile.

"I have a letter from the king!" Lirin said, thrusting an envelope into Hakkai's hands. "Good day, sir!"

She disappeared back behind the stage and found herself face to face with Jiroushin.

"That wasn't your line!" Jiroushin hissed.

"I know," Lirin said. "I forgot, so I made it up!"

Back on stage, Sanzo snatched the envelope from Hakkai. He tore it open and read the letter.

"By royal command, every eligible - " Sanzo squinted. The word 'maiden' was crossed out and Jiroushin had scribled something above it. Sanzo couldn't read it.

"Gentlemen!" Jiroushin hissed.

" - gentlemen," Sanzo said with a frown, "is to attend the ball!"

Gojyo and Dokugakuji gave a half-hearted squeal of fake joy. They said their lines about getting new clothes at once.

"Why, that means I could go too!" Hakkai said.

"Yes, I supposed," Sanzo said. "If you finished all your chores."

"And find something to wear other than your horrible rags," Dokugakuji said with a snigger.

"Sweep the floor, clean the windows, finish the laundry, clean the fireplace, wash the dishes..." Sanzo reeled off the chores from the words written on his hands. The audience, of course, saw that and Jiroushin smacked his forehead once again.

"I will finish them," Hakkai promised with a smile.

The curtain dropped. Everyone started changing the scene of the mansion's living room to the garden. Jiroushin, looking exasperated, decided not to press the subject.

The stepmother and stepsisters changed into a different costume and took their places by the 'gates'. Hakkai, still in the rag costume, stood. The curtains were pulled apart.

"Cinderella had finished all her chores, but she didn't have any dress for the ball," Homura narrated, not knowing that Jiroushin had changed the gender. The audience sweatdropped. Some felt confused with the gender of the characters. "She watched as her stepmother and stepsisters got ready to leave for the ball."

"Well, goodbye, Cinderella," Gojyo said.

"It's a great pity that you couldn't come along," Dokugakuji said in mock sympathy.

Sanzo merely walked out of stage followed by Gojyo and Dokugakuji.

Hakkai sat down on the bench with a sigh.

"I had so wanted to go to the ball," he said sadly. His words were so full of sadness that the audience were silently crying. For once, Jiroushin felt happy with the play.

"Dry those tears now, dear," said a voice. "You can't possibly go to the ball looing like that!"

To be continued...

A/N: Review!


	2. Cinderella Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Cinderella - Part 2

"Dry thoes tears now, dear," said a voice. "You can't possibly go to the ball looking like that!"

The audience sweatdropped. Kanzeon Bosatsu, as sexy as ever, appeared with a wink.

"Hello," she whispered.

"Who are you?" Hakkai asked, trying to sound like he really didn't know her.

"Why, I'm the great Kanzeon Bo - I mean - I'm your fairy godmother," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "Watch me at work!"

"The fairy godmother waved her wand - no - hand," Homura narrated, "over a pumpkin and transformed it into a coach."

The audience started muttering among themselves. How did she do that? What a special trick!

"The fairy godmother waved her wa - hand! - once again and a beautiful snow white horse appeared," Homura continued. "She waved another hand this time over Cinderella's pet dragon, Hakuryuu. Hakuryuu turned into a coachman."

"I'm a human, I'm a human!" Hakuryuu yelled happily. Jiroushin was perplexed. Hakuryuu wasn't supposed to do that! And where's the magic wand and spell?

"Now, what about you, dear?" Kanzeon Bosatsu said, looking at Hakkai. For the first time, she noticed the rags. "Goodness, you can't go in that!"

"Muttering a few magic words - I guess she didn't - the fairy godmother waved her hand again and a beautiful costume took the rags' place," Homura narrated.

Hakkai gasped. "Did you ever see such beautiful clothes?" he said. "And look! Gla - er - leather shoes! They're so comfortable! Why, it's like a dream come true!"

"I thought that they're supposed to be glass slippers," Lirin said from behind the stage.

"Yeah, but your big brother forced me to change the script," Jiroushin muttered.

"Yes, my dear," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "But, like all dreams, I'm very much afraid that it'll end in a nightmare."

The audience muttered among themselves. Hakkai sweatdropped. Jiroushin was ready to commit suicide, he had never felt like that over her before!

"You only have until midnight," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken. Poof! Bye-bye clothes and hello rags."

"She - isn't - supposed - to - say - it - like - that!" Jiroushin said, banging his head on the wall.

"I understand," Hakkai said. "But it's still more than I ever hoped for.

"Bless you, dear," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "Now hurry up! The ball can't wait! Have a good time! Bye!"

The curtains dropped. Jiroushin was sobbing over his script. Everyone started demolishing the 'garden'.

"Good acting, Hakkai!" Goku said.

"Arigato, Goku," Hakkai said. "You're up next, right?"

"Em!" Goku said.

"No more lobster talk, okay?" Kougaiji growled.

"I like your acting," Yaone said to Hakkai.

"Arigato gozaimasu," Hakkai said. "You're wearing a nice dress."

"Arigato," Yaone said. "You too."

It was ready. Kougaiji and Goku went up onto a sort of balcony. Yaone took her place in the middle of the stage in a lovely dress. Sanzo, Gojyo and Dokugakuji stood in the mass of other men (other Saiyuki characters).

The curtain was hauled up. The men around Yaone began introducing themselves to her one by one. Yaone nodded at them with a smile. When they are gone, she fixed a face of no interest in them.

"What's wrong with the girl?" Kougaiji said. "She's not cooperating at all!"

"These plans never work in real life," Goku said. "Maybe we should try another better way. If you would just let her see the world a bit more..."

"Just as Drizella and Anastasia bowed before the princess," Homura interrupted, "Cinderella entered the ballroom. The princess caught sight of him," Jiroushin finally told him about the gender change, "and from that moment, she couldn't take her eyes of him."

Yaone hurried over to Hakkai and curtsied. "Would you dance with me?" she asked shyly.

"Ha! Look at that, Goku!" Kougaiji said. "My plan is working beautifully! Get the orchestra play a waltz and make sure no one disturbs them!"

The orchestra started up a beautiful waltz music. Hakkai and Yaone danced on the dance floor, ignoring everybody else.

"All evening, the princess danced with him," Homura narrated. "Everyone else wondered who this young lady - I mean - man could be."

"There's something very familiar about that guy," Sanzo muttered. He gave a half-hearted step towards them. Over enthusiastic Goku jumped in front of the bored blonde and stopped him. Jiroushin saw that scene and sighed. He should've picked someone else for the part, Sanzo is just not cooperating.

Slowly, the other people disappeared from stage. All was left are Yaone and Hakkai dancing to the music. Lirin rolled a miniature tower clock on stage and left it there.

Hakkai and Yaone danced till the music stopped. They continued holding on to each other, staring into each other's eyes. They started to draw closer. The Hakkai acted the part where Cinderella caught sight of the clock.

"Oh, no!" he said, taking a step back. "I have to go. Right now!"

"No, please come back!" Yaone said, holding his arm. "I don't even know your name! How could I find you?"

Hakkai ran down the provided stairs with red carpet. Goku chased after him.

"Cinderella knew that he hadn't a second to spare," Homura narrated. "He ran from the palace as fast as he could. He didn't even stop when one of his glass - I mean - leather shoe fell off on the palace steps. The grand duke was right behind him."

"Stop! Stop, young man!" Goku said. He speeded up a little and actually passed Hakkai. The crowd sweatdropped and Jiroushin look appalled.

Hakuryuu came to the rescue. In human form, he grabbed Goku and sort of pushed him out of the stage. Just as Hakkai, panting, reach the very last of the steps, the clock struck the twelfth stroke and everything was back to what it was.

"Kyuu!" Hakuryuu said, settling himself on Hakkai's shoulder. The magnificent clothes are gone, it was back to the rags. The coach was a pumpkin again, and there was no sign of the snowy white horse along with everything else.

Except for the leather shoes.

"Oh dear," Hakkai said. "I forgot about the time! But it was so wonderful. I danced with the loveliest woman ever. I don't think even the princess is as beautiful as she is!"

"Kyuu," Hakuryuu said, pointing the only thing that didn't disappear. Hakkai caught sight of it. He looked up to the ceiling.

"Thank you so much for everything," Hakkai said.

"You're welcome," Kanzeon Bosatsu replied. Everyone sweatdropped.

"That - wasn't - supposed - to - happen!" Jiroushin said, looking half crazed. "Why, oh, why is this happening to me?"

The curtain dropped over the scene. Everyone got on stage and began pulling apart the ballroom. They fixed it to look like back in the living room in the mansion as Homura narrated.

"At the castle, the princess vowed to marry no one but the mysterious owner of the shoe. So the king ordered the grand duke to search the kingdom far and wide until he found the gentleman who fit it. And so, the weary duke and messenger set out with the shoe."

The curtain rose. Sanzo sat on the velvet red chair again. Gojyo and Dokugakuji stood in the middle of the room as Hakkai swept the floor.

"Have you heard, Anastasia?" Dokugakuji said. "The mysterious man who danced with the princess last night left no name and no address. It seems that the only man who can fit the shoe left behind will marry her."

"I'm certainly going to get my foot into that shoe!" Gojyo said at once.

"No, I'm going to wear it!" Dokugakuji hissed.

"I was dancing with the princess!" Hakkai said with realization.

"What?" Sanzo barked.

"Nothing," Hakkai said quickly and continued sweeping the floor. Gojyo and Dokugakuji are still quarelling.

"Enough!" Sanzo yelled. Everyone, including the audience and Jiroushin, jumped. "There is still a stupid chance that one of you lazy louse can marry the princess. That smelly old shoe is their only clue!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Jiroushin started sobbing into his handkerchief over his screwed up lines.

"The duke knocked the door," Homura continued his narration just as Goku rapped the cardboard door sharply.

Hakkai reached to get it, but Gojyo and Dokugakuji beat him to it and yanked the door open.

"Hiya!" Lirin said.

"By order of the king," Goku said. "Every men in the kingdom is to try on this shoe."

Gojyo and Dokugakuji snatched at it and began trying to stuff their foot inside it. Gojyo was too eager to try it one that he put in the wrong foot.

"The stepsis - no - stepbrothers pushed and squeezed with all their might, but could barely get half their foot in," Homura said. "Finally, they gave up."

"Are there any food in this house?" Goku asked. "I'm starving."

"No, no, no!" Jiroushin hissed. "Ask for another man!"

"Ew!" Gojyo muttered. "Who would?"

"Are there any other guy in this house?" Lirin asked.

"There is no one else, baka!" Sanzo yelled. Jiroushin was ready to sob all over again.

"Your grace," Hakkai said. "Please, may I try it on?"

"Certainly, Hakkai!" Goku said.

"Cinderella!" Jiroushin hissed.

"Pay no attention to him," Sanzo said dully.

"He's just our butler," Dokugakuji said with a grin.

"He's out of his mind!" Gojyo said with a little more enthusiasm.

"Sir, my orders were every gentleman," Goku said importantly. He and Lirin led Hakkai to the chair. Hakkai tried the shoe on and it fitted perfectly, of course!

Gojyo and Dokugakuji fixed a surprised look on their face. Sanzo merely looked bored. Gojyo nudged him and Sanzo glared.

"And so," Homura said as Yaone made her appearance. "Cinderella and the princess - you know what, we should get a better name. I mean, Cinderella's a girl's name!"

"Just continue with your narrating!" Jiroushin yelled from across the stage towards Homura up there. The audience sweatdropped for about the hundredth time.

"Alright, alright," Homura grumbled. "They married and lived happily ever after."

The curtain fell and the audience stood up and clapped.

A/N: Review!


	3. Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Roles

Goldilocks - despite his protests, Sanzo was given the role

Father bear - Gojyo

Mother bear - Hakkai

Baby bear - Goku (Gojyo teased him)

Narrator - Kanzeon Bosatsu

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin.

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Goldilocks and the Three Bears

(Sanzo and the Three Youkais)

"Once upon a time," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, "there lived three bears in a wooden house. There is papa bear, mama bear, and wee little baby bear."

"Is that Jiroushin's lines or did she make them up?" one of the audience muttered.

On stage, Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku were standing side by side, wearing a bear costume each. Hakkai was the only one smiling.

"On one fine morning," Kanzeon Bosatsu continued her narrating. "Mama bear made porridge for breakfast."

Hakkai acted as if he were making porridge. He poured them into three bowls.

"It's too hot to eat right now," Hakkai said with a smile to a smoking Gojyo and a salivating Goku. "Let's go out for a walk while it cools."

"Alright!" Gojyo said in a false cheerful voice. "We don't want to burn out tongues," he added sarcastically.

"Em, lets!" Goku said.

"And so the bears left the house for a walk," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

Jiroushin wiped his forehead. Phew! So far so good.

"Suddenly, there came a girl by the name of Goldilocks," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated with a laugh.

Sanzo made his appearance, glowering. He was dressed in a a red shirt and an overall.

"Mm, I smell porridge," Sanzo said. Jiroushin started praying that he wouldn't spoil the play again like he did with the Cinderella play.

"Goldilocks followed the smell and came upon the bears' house," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "He - no - she entered the house and started towards the porridge. She started with the biggest bowl first."

Sanzo reluctantly took a scoop of porridge and ate it.

"This is too salty, I can't eat this!" he said. He took another scoop at the second porridge and gulped it down. "This is too sweet, I can't eat this!"

He advanced to the third bowl and took a spoonful of porridge. "This is just perfect!" he said with a hint of sarcasm. He finished it all and set down the bowl with a bang.

"Not a first class acting, but okay," Hakkai said with a smile from behind the stage.

"Okay? Even the baka saru can act better!" Gojyo said.

"Goldilocks then looked around her,"Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated. "She spotted three chairs of different sizes. She went over to the biggest one."

Sanzo sat down and got up again. "This is too hard, I can't sit here!" he said without enthusiasm and went over to the second chair and sat down on it. "This is too soft, I can't sit here," he said. But he didn't get up.

Sanzo sat there for a full minute before getting up and sitting down on the small chair. "This is just perfect," he growled.

Two of the chair's leg had been sawed halfway, so it took bout half a minute for it to crack and break, bringing Sanzo to the ground.

"Oh, I broke the damn chair!" Sanzo cried sarcastically.

The audience sweatdropped.

"Mummy, what is the meaning of the word 'damn'?" a little girl asked.

"It's not a good word," her mother replied.

"Goldilocks got up and looked around her once more," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, laughing. "She spotted a flight of stairs leading up. Out of curiosity, she went up."

Sanzo stomped up a piece of cardboard stairs and the curtain closed. Everyone came and took away the table of porridge, the stairs and the chairs to replace them with three beds of different sizes.

"Sanzo!" Goku cried, running up to him. "Why did you ate all my porridge? You're mean, you ate all my porridge!"

"Maa, maa, Goku," Hakkai said.

"Hm!" Sanzo said. "I didn't want to do this stupid play in the first place!"

Everyone but Sanzo left the stage as the curtain rose.

"Goldilocks found herself facing three beds of different sizes," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "Feeling sleepy, she decided to take a nap."

Sanzo went over and sat on the first bed before getting up. "This damn bed is too hard, I can't sleep here!" He strode over to the second bed and flopped on it. "Now it's too soft and lumpy! I can't sleep here!"

The audience all sweatdropped. Jiroushin was crying silently.

Sanzo stomped over to the smallest bed. He flopped on it. "This is perfect!" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The curtain dropped. The audience started muttering among themselves over the weird play. The curtain rose and the scene is changed back to the kitchen and chairs.

"Presently, the three bears came back from their walk," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

A grumpy Gojyo, a smiling Hakkai and a wide eyed Goku all trooped in, still wearing the ridiculous bear costume.

"Someone tasted my porridge!" Gojyo roared.

"And someone tasted mine," Hakkai said.

"Someone has tasted my porridge and look!" Goku said. "He ate it all!"

"She!" Jiroushin hissed.

Goku really started howling. Hakkai comforted him and offered him his own porridge. It was turn for the chairs.

"Someone sat on my chair!" Gojyo roared. He had a coughing fit after that.

"And someone sat on mine," Hakkai said. "Do you want a cough drop, Gojyo?"

Jiroushin didn't care anymore. Let them screw up the whole play if they want to.

"Someone has sat on my chair and look!" Goku said, his mouth full of porridege. "He broke it!"

"The intruder might still be in here!" Gojyo said. "C'mon! Let's go up and see."

The curtain dropped and the scene was hurriedly changed back. Sanzo didn't want to lie in the 'baby cot' but he was forced into it all the same.

The curtain rose.

"The three bears came up into the room," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated. "They went over to their beds."

"Someone laid on my bed!" Gojyo roared.

"The someone did that on mine too," Hakkai said. "Why didn't he fold the blanket back?"

"Someone has laid on my bed and look!" Goku said. "He's still here!"

All three of them crowded around an angry Sanzo.

"What are you doing here?" Gojyo roared.

"I tell you what I'm doing here!" Sanzo snarled, veins throbbing. He took out his gun. "I'm stuck in the middle of the stage in front of stupid people being treated like an idiot! Now get out and leave me alone!!"

Bang! Bang! Bang! Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku got the message and ran back stage. Sanzo pocketed his gun with a 'Hm!'. The curtain dropped and the audience all clapped in approval!

"And Goldilocks lived happily ever after," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated with a grin. "The end."

A/N: Review! I was actually planning to write Beauty and the Beast first, but someone wanted Snow White, so Snow White it is!


	4. Snow White Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Roles

Snow White - Kanzeon Bosatsu

Prince - Dokugakuji

The Seven Dwarfs - Grumpy - Koryuu

- Happy - Gonou

- Dopey (Big Eater) - Son Goku

- Doc (Horny) - Gojyo (when he was young)

- Bashful - Nataku Taishi

- Sleepy - Shien

- Sneezy (Lively) - Lirin

Hunter - Zenon

Wicked Queen - Gyokumen Koushu

Magic Mirror on the Wall - Kougaiji

White horse - ?

Narrator - Yaone

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin.

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Snow White - Part 1

The curtain pulled back to reveal Kanzeon Bosatsu in rags in front of a cardboard well.

"Once upon a time," Yaone narrated, "there lived a lovely princess named Snow White. She lived with her wicked stepmother, the queen. The queen is very vain. She was afraid that Snow White might grow up to be even more beautiful so she made the young princess wear rags and work as a servant.

"Snow White had no idea that the queen was jealous. She worked cheerfully and kept dreaming of her handsome prince."

Kanzeon Bosatsu started mopping the stage. All she did was wet the mop and drag it around the stage, making the place wet. The bucket was soon empty so it was time to 'draw water from the well'.

The goddess heaved the heavy bucket onto the well's side and splashed water down her front.

"Damn!" she cursed.

"One morning," Yaone narrated, "as Snow White drew water from her well, she made a wish that would make her dream come true."

"I wish that my knight in shining armour would come and carry me away," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"That wasn't in the script!" Jiroushin hissed from behind the curtain.

"Suddenly, a very handsome prince appeared in the castle yard," Yaone said with a smile as Dokugakuji came up, looking quite uncomfortable in his costume. "The prince had never seen anyone so beautiful before."

Gojyo coughed at the back stage.

Dokugakuji gave bow and stared blankly at her. He'd forgotten his words!

"Recite the love poem!" Jiroushin hissed.

"What love poem?" Dokugakuji asked from the corner of his mouth. "Oh, that poem! Ahem!"

He took a deep breath and stood up straight.

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you."

"No, no, no!!" Jiroushin hissed.

"Whatever, Jiroushin," Kanzeon Bosatsu replied.

The curtain dropped and every changed the castle yard to the wicked queen's room. It rose soon with Gyokumen Koushu.

"The wicked queen saw the meeting between the prince and the princess and was even more jealous," Yaone narrated. "She stormed to her magic mirror and demanded."

"Magic mirror on the wall," Gyokumen Koushu cried. "Who is the fairest of them all? And I'll smash you into pieces if it's not me!"

"That - wasn't - in - the - script!" Jiroushin said quietly, seething with anger.

Kougaiji stared through the glass on the wall. "Okay," Kougaiji said. He raised his hand and read, "Lips red as a rose, hair black as ebony, skin white as snow..."

"Snow White!" Gyokumen Koushu screamed.

"The wicked queen then summoned the best hunter," Yaone narrated.

"Zenon!" Gyokumen Koushu yelled. Zenon came.

"Yes, Your Highness?" Zenon said.

"Take Snow White far into the woods and kill her," Gyokumen Koushu ordered. "And to make sure you do not fail, I want you to bring me back her heart in this box!"

The curtain dropped. In five minutes time, it rose to show the scenery of a forest.

"The unhappy hunter was terrified of the wicked queen," Yaone narrated. "He did as he was told and brought Snow White to the woods. He raised his razor sharp knife when Snow White wasn't looking."

Zenon raised a knife behind Kanzeon Bosatsu. Kanzeon Bosatsu turned coolly.

"The hunter realised that he couldn't kill the sweet princess," Yaone narrated. "He dropped the knife and fell to his knees."

"Forgive me," Zenon begged. "The queen, she is jealous of your beauty!"

"She ought to be," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, fluffing her hair.

"She wanted me to kill you!" Zenon cried. "Act scared, would you?" he added in a hiss.

"Oh, my goodness!" Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"Go! Run away!" Zenon cried dramatically. "I'll kill a pig and put its heart in the box instead! You run and hide! Go!"

The lights darkened. Zenon disappeared back stage.

"Snow White ran," Yaone narrated. "She ran and she ran, not daring to look back! The woods was wild. Branches scratched her. Bats flew over and owls hooted, frightening her! Finally, she felt she could not run any further and stumbled to the ground in tears."

The curtain dropped and rose a couple of minutes later. A cardboard of a cottage replaced the spooky woods. Kanzeon Bosatsu lay in front of it.

"Snow White had cried herself to sleep," Yaone narrated. "She finally awoke. The princess found herself in front of a little cottage and decided to ask for help."

Kanzeon Bosatsu got up and went over to the cardboard cottage. She rapped the door sharply. No reply. So she twisted the doorknob and entered. The curtain dropped again only to rise once more a couple of minutes later.

The whole scene is changed into the inside of a cottage. It was untidy and dirty.

"Eew," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"You're not supposed to do that!" Jiroushin hissed.

"Well, I'm just being natural," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "What's my next line?"

"Inside the cottage were seven small chairs," Yaone said.

"It must be seven little children who live here," Kanzeon Bosatsu said after making Jiroushin repeat the same line three times. "Seven untidy children. I know, I'll clean the house! Then maybe they'll let me stay."

"Snow White happily set to work," Yaone narrated.

Kanzeon Bosatsu just gave a lazy wave and the whole place was tidy. "Done!" Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"Well, it wasn't much of a work," Yaone said.

Jiroushin's jaw dropped. That surely wasn't suppose to happen!

"When the downstairs was tidy, Snow White decided to go up," Yaone said.

Kanzeon Bosatsu took a step up the provided stairs and the curtain dropped once again. Chairs and tables were pulled away and seven beds were heaved in their places. Then the curtain rose.

"Snow White found seven beds," Yaone said. "She read the names engraved at the foot of each bed."

"Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful and Sleepy," Kanzeon Bosatsu reeled off. She gave an exagerated yawn. "I could use with some sleep."

"Snow White lay on a bed and fell fast asleep," Yaone said.

Curtain dropped, scene changed back to downstairs, all spick and span, then curtain rose.

"While the princess slept, the Seven Dwarfs came home," Yaone narrated. "They were surprised to find the house to tidy."

"Look, clean as a whistle!" Gojyo as Doc said.

"Good," Lirin as Sneezy chirped. "Now Hakkai, I mean, Happy won't harp on us to clear up."

"No, you dolt!" Jiroushin whispered angrily, quite beside himself. "Don't give stupid ad-libs!"

"Someone came and cleaned this place up," Shien as Sleepy said.

"Ah, hara hetta!" Goku as Dopey whined.

"Uruse, baka saru!" Koryuu as Grumpy snapped automatically.

"That someone might still be in here," Shien said, seeing Jiroushin's mutinous look over more unnecessary ad-libs. "Maybe he or she is upstairs."

"It could be a monster!" Lirin as Sneezy cried. She gave a loud, realistic sneeze. It made her sniff.

"So who's going up to check?" Gonou as Happy asked, smiling broadly.

"Me, me!" Goku as Dopey yelled.

"No, pick me!" Lirin jumped up and down.

"I think Na - I mean - Bashful should go," Shien said.

"No, I'll go," Goku insisted.

"No, I'll go!" Lirin protested.

The audience all sweatdropped. Jiroushin lost his temper and stormed out from the back stage.

"ALL OF YOU GO UP TOGETHER!!!" he yelled. "STOP WASTING TIME!!!"

To be continued....

A/N: End of Part 1. Review!


	5. Snow White Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Snow White - Part 2

The curtain dropped. Yaone apologised over the microphone for the unpleasant outbreak. The curtain rose soon. All seven of the 'dwarfs' stood in a row in front of the bed where Kanzeon Bosatsu lay.

"You guys here already?" Kanzeon Bosatsu said, sitting up. She started filing her nails.

The audience sweatdropped. Most of them looked amused. Jiroushin, however, was tearing his script into little pieces.

"Er - Snow White was so startled that she nearly screamed," Yaone narrated. "Then her good manners came back to her."

"Oh, how do you do?" Kanzeon Bosatsu said, still busy over her nails.

"We're so glad that you aren't a monster!" Lirin as Sneezy crowed, sniffing.

"Or a ghost!" Goku as Dopey added, his innocent look living to his character's name.

Shien sighed as Nataku and Gonou watched in amusement.

"You're just a witch!" Koryuu as a very grumpy Grumpy hissed.

"Or a banshee," Gojyo as Doc added.

"Alright already!" Jiroushin said quite loudly from the back stage.

"The seven dwarfs are relieved to find that their visitor is not a monster or a ghost," Yaone narrated. "All of them thought Snow White was beautiful. Except for suspicious Grumpy.

"Snow White could easily guess their names," Yaone went on.

"You there with that two roach thingy," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, finally looking up from her filing. "You're Doc."

Gojyo glared.

"And you are Dopey," Kanzeon Bosatsu went on. "And Bashful, and Sneezy, and Sleepy, and Happy..."

Kanzeon Bosatsu stared at the frowning Koryuu.

"And you must be Grumpy," Kanzeon Bosatsu folded her hands in imitation.

Koryuu frowned even deeper. He turned away with a 'Hm!'

"Snow White told them all about herself and the wicked queen," Yaone narrated.

"Please don't send me away," Kanzeon Bosatsu begged unconvincingly. "If you do, she'll kill me and we'll lose the kingdom's fairest maiden."

"That's none of our business so get out!" Koryuu said, stamping his foot.

"Is that in the script?" Gonou whispered to Gojyo.

"I dunno," Gojyo muttered.

"The dwarfs felt that she ought to stay, all except Grumpy," Yaone said. "He was afraid that the wicked queen would find them all."

"I made supper," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"Really?" Goku and Lirin said, their mouth watering.

"No," the vain goddess replied meanly.

The curtain dropped and rose again. The scene had changed.

"Back at the castle," Yaone narrated, "the queen believed Snow White was dead. Now she was surely the most beautiful!"

"Magic mirror on the wall," Gyokumen Koushu cried. "Who now is the fairest one of all?"

"Over the seven jeweled hills, beyond the seventh fall, in the cottage of the seven dwarfs," Kougaiji reeled off from the paper in his hand, "dwells Snow White, fairest one of all."

Gyokumen Koushu cried in rage. She picked up a heavy book and flung it at the glass. Kougaiji barely ducked in time! The audience all 'oohed'.

"The queen was furious," Yaone narrated, hoping that her master is fine. "Snow White still lived! The queen decided to take the matters in her hands."

"I'll handle this myself!" Gyokumen Koushu cried. "First, a disguise!"

Gyokumen Koushu mixed some coloured water in a glass. It bubbled and boiled! Lightning flashed, thanks to some special lights and sound effects. The water started misting eeriely. Gyokumen Koushu drank it.

Then came the smoke effects. When the mist cleared, Gyokumen Koushu looked like a hag. She cackled.

"The queen had mixed some magic potion which transformed her into a hag in a peddlar's cloak," Yaone narrated. "Then she brewed up a second terrible mixture and dipped a juicy red apple into it."

Gyokumen Koushu did as Yaone narrated. She cackled again.

"One taste if this poisoned apple, and the victim's eyes will close - forever!" Gyokumen Koushu cackled and laughed a wicked laugh. "Until she receives her true love's first kiss. She wouldn't receive it when she's dead! Ha ha ha ha!!"

The curtain dropped.

For some reason, it took a whole ten minutes for it to raise again. Someone grabbed the curtain and tore it! It seemed as if Goku and Gojyo had a fight and Gojyo had caught the curtains to prevent from falling.

Both Sanzo and Jiroushin yelled at them and finally, there was peace. The curtain rose, showing the kitchen in the cottage.

"At the cottage," Yaone narrated, "the seven dwarfs are on their way out to work."

"Don't let anybody or anything in the house!" Koryuu as Grumpy warned.

"Of course," Kanzeon Bosatsu replied, busy with her hair. "You do care, Grumpy."

The seven 'dwarfs' walked off the stage, leaving Kanzeon Bosatsu.

"Snow White decided to surprise the dwarfs with a gooseberry pie," Yaone narrated. "While she rolled out the dough, she thought about the handsome prince she had met."

"Handsome?" Kanzeon Bosatsu remarked, rolling out the dough. She caught sight of Jiroushin looking at her beseechingly. "Right. Someday, my prince will come."

"Suddenly, a dark shadow fell across the window," Yaone narrated. "Snow White looked up with a gasp."

"All alone, my pet?" Gyokumen Koushu as the old hag asked. "It's apple pies that make menfolk's mouths water." She held out the supposed to be poisoned apple.

"Oh, they do look delicious," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"Wait till you taste one, dearie," Gyokumen Koushu cackled. "Go on, have a bite."

"Forgetting all about Grumpy's warning," Yaone narrated, "Snow White accepted the juicy red apple and bit into it. The next instant, Snow White fell to the floor."

"Yes! Yes!' Gyokumen Koushu cried. "Now I'm the fairest of them all! Ha ha ha ha!!"

Gyokumen Koushu left.

"In the evening," Yaone narrated, "the seven dwarfs returned from work."

All seven trooped on stage. They stared in horror at Kanzeon Bosatsu on the floor.

"They were horrified to see the beautiful princess on the floor," Yaone narrated. "They were certained that she was dead. But Snow White was so beautiful..."

Koryuu snorted.

"...that they could not bring themselves to bury her. Instead, they built her a coffin out of gold and glass, and kept a constant vigil at her side."

As Yaone was saying this, the torn curtain dropped. The audience could see everyone scrambling to change the scenery. When it rose, Kanzeon Bosatsu lay in a glass coffin with the seven 'dwarfs' all mourning around her.

"Put that eyedrops aside!" Jiroushin hissed.

"Right, sorry, sorry," Gojyo whispered, quickly squeezing a couple of drops into his eyes before pocketing it.

The seven 'dwarfs' spend about a couple of minutes mourning, crying and sobbing. Koryuu was impatient with the whole acting.

"Far away," Yaone narrated, "the prince had heard about the beautiful maiden who slept in a glass coffing. He searched far and wide on his white steed until, one day, he rode into the clearing where Snow White lay."

Dokugakuji rode on stage. The horse was a fake, of course. Judging by the sound inside the skin, its...

"I can't stand your weight anymore!"

The horse collapsed, bringing Dokugakuji down as well. The skin came apart and everyone could see Chin Yisou and Shuei panting and fanning themselves.

"You - weigh - a - ton!" Shuei panted.

The audience sweatdropped. Most of them felt amused. Jiroushin was far from amused, however. Chin Yisou and Shuei caught his mutinous look and hastily scrambled back into the stuffy horse skin.

"The prince carefully removed the glass lid," Yaone narrated as Dokugakuji did so. "He leaned over and kissed her gently."

"I'm not going as far as that!" Dokugakuji said.

"Just do it," Nataku as Bashful said suddenly. With a mischevious grin, he pushed Dokugakuji!

Dokugakuji smashed his lips on to Kanzeon Bosatsu's. His nose made contact with the cardboard coffin, making it bleed. Kanzeon Bosatsu gave a shriek as some blood dribbled down her neck.

"Oops," Nataku muttered.

"Snow White was alive!" Yaone narrated as the curtain dropped "She and the prince lived happily ever after. Meanwhile..."

The curtain rose. Gyokumen Koushu back as the queen stood in the throne room with a the sellotaped glass.

"Magic mirror on the wall," Gyokumen Koushu cried, "who is the fairest of them all?"

"In the castle on the hill dwells the queen Snow White, fairest of them all!" Kougaiji read off from yet another piece of paper.

Gyokumen Koushu screamed in rage. Finding nothing to throw, she took off her shoes and flung both of them at the glass. Kougaiji ducked in time. Glass shattered around him.

"By the way," Kougaiji said. "It's seven years of bad luck for you for breaking a mirror."

The curtain dropped and the audience clapped.

"It may be disastrous, but they love it," Kanzeon Bosatsu said to a beaming Jiroushin.

"Can sobebody helb be?" Dokugakuji said thickly through his still bleeding nose.

A/N: Next would be Sleepig Beauty. I know, I said I was going to do Beauty and the Beast first, but I haven't decided who should be who yet. Review now, I'm waiting.


	6. Hansel and Gretel

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Hansel and Gretel

Roles

Hansel - Son Goku

Gretel - Lirin

Woodcutter - Cho Hakkai

Woodcutter's wife - Sha Gojyo

Old Witch - Ni Jianyi

Narrator - Genjo Sanzo

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin.

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Hansel and Gretel

(Goku and Lirin)

The curtain is still down, but Sanzo is already narrating.

"In a wooden cabin at the edge of a forest," he said surly, "there lived a poor woodcutter and his wife. They had two brats - a baka saru named Hansel, and a girl baka saru, Gretel."

Sweatdrop. Everyone sweatdropped. Fortunately, Jiroushin had a little food poisoning and is currently at the men's room quite far away.

The curtain rose. Hakkai in a patched costume held an axe, smiling as usual. Goku and Lirin, also dressed in patched clothes, held a bunch of wood.

"Wife!" Hakkai called, smiling broadly. "We're back!"

The cardboard door set up opened by a very surly Gojyo. He had his red hair in braids and he wore a pink patched dress.

Hakkai, Goku and Lirin howled with laughter. So did the audience. Sanzo couldn't help but grinned.

"Say cheese!" Dokugakuji hissed from the side of the stage. There was a flash as he took a picture of his half brother.

"Times were very hard," Sanzo choked. "There was barely enough to eat."

The lights went off. It was night time.

"Brats - I mean - kids," Gojyo said through gritted teeth. "It's bedtime."

"Ah, hara hetta!" Goku said as he and Lirin went through the cardboard door.

"Good!" Jiroushin came back in time to see that part. "That's what I want! Goku just made the act more realistic when his stomach growled!"

The cardboard door banged shut behind them. The set up groaned and fell, narrowly missing Gojyo and Hakkai.

"Sumimasen!" Hakkai said as he and Goku pulled the set up back.

"Oi, baka saru!" Gojyo snapped. "You could've killed me back there!"

"It was an accident!" Goku interjected.

"Yeah, ero kappa!" Lirin said.

"Good feeling's gone," Jiroushin muttered as the audience sweatdropped once again.

Sanzo coughed. The stand was in place. Hakkai turned to Gojyo.

"We cannot go on like this, dear wife," Hakkai said. "We have to find a way for our children's sake!'

"What do we do?" Gojyo said in a mocking tone. "I know! Let's just kill them and that'll be two less mouth to feed!"

The red-headed mama snatched the axe and made to go in. The audience gasped.

"Gojyo, Gojyo," Hakkai said, pulling him back. "That's the role of the witch, not you."

"Just follow the script!" Jiroushin hissed.

"Right," Gojyo said. "Oh, I'm so frightened!" he said. "The children! Suppose we die before they do? Who will take care of them?"

"If we leave them in the forest," Hakkai said, "at least they will have nuts and berries to eat."

"That won't be enough to fill their bottomless stomachs," Gojyo muttered.

"And noblemen out hunting might find them and give them a home," Hakkai continued.

The curtain dropped and rose a couple of minutes later. Jiroushin had another stomach ache again and left for the toilet once more.

"Next morning, there was only a crust of bread for the two monkeys to share before they all set out for the forest," Sanzo narrated. "Only Gretel saw Goku - no - Hansel putting it into his pocket..."

Goku looked longingly at the crust before dolefully putting it into his pocket. The four set off to walk the length of the stage. It was decorated with cardboard trees and bushes.

"Then the baka saru crumbled the bread, ready to drop a piece every few paces as they went through the forest."

"Now," Goku said. "We could find our way back home!"

Hakkai smiled. Gojyo, in a ragged blue shawl, merely said 'Tch!'.

"After, they had gone quite a distance, the woodcutter made a fire to keep the two baka saru warm," Sanzo narrated.

Hakkai propped up a cardboard fire. Gojyo watched, sweatdropping.

"Now, children," Hakkai said. "Sit down while I go and cut some wood."

"Stiff and tired, the two saru lay down," Sanzo narrated. Goku and Lirin yawned and doze off as Hakkai and Gojyo tip toed away. "The next thing the saru knew, it was completely dark.

"We're lost!" Lirin cried. "How can we see the pieces of bread to guide us home now, Hansel?"

She stopped and waited for Goku's line. She heard nothing but snores.

"Hansel?" she said. "Oi, baka, wake up!"

Lirin slapped Goku awake.

"Nani?" Goku muttered, finally awake. "Is it time for breakfast?"

"We - are - lost!" Lirin said impatiently. "How can we see the pieces of bread to guide us home now, Hansel?!"

"Oh, right," Goku said, yawning.

"The two saru got up and started walking through the forest," Sanzo narrated.

"Stop calling us saru already!" Lirin yelled.

"Yeah!" Goku backed her up.

"Hm!" Sanzo replied.

The curtain dropped. It rose again and the audience saw the same trees. A cardboard painted as a house made out of candies was added.

"Yummy!" Goku said excitedly.

"Looks so oishi!" Lirin squealed.

"Itadakimasu!" both cried at the same time and started attacking the cardboard.

"Blergh!" Lirin said, spitting out the chewed cardboard. "Nasty!"

"Yuck!" Goku said, making a face. "Double and triple yuck!"

"You two should pretend it's delicious!" Jiroushin, back again, hissed. He looked sweaty and pale, but seemed fine at the moment.

"But it taste like cardboard," Lirin said stubbornly.

"That's because it is cardboard," Ni Jianyi said, making both of them jump.

"An old witch appeared," Sanzo said and stopped at that.

"Hungry are we?" Ni Jianyi asked. "Come inside, dears, come inside. I've plenty of food to spare!"

The curtain dropped and rose again to reveal the inside of the candy house. A real feast was set on the wooden table groaning under the weight of the dishes. Goku and Lirin salivated.

"The two baka saru had never seen such a meal," Sanzo narrated. "And they couldn't have guessed that the kind old woman was really a witch who lay in wait for stupid idiots!"

"That wasn't in the script!" Jiroushin wailed. He finally heard Sanzo narrating and mentally made a note not to make him a narrator again.

Goku and Lirin gobbled down the food in less than 5 minutes. The plates are squeaky clean and not even a cumb was left. Finally, they lay down and slept. Really slept.

"A pity they are so thin," Ni Jianyi cackled over Goku's snores. "Still, that makes that golden-eyed boy light enough for me to lock him up in my cellar without any trouble!"

The curtain dropped again. The audience could hear people trying to wake Goku up. Sounds of slaps and water came next. Finally, Goku could be heard yelling, a biff, dragging sound, silence. Slowly, the curtain rose. They're still inside the witch's house.

"Early next morning," Sanzo narrated, "Gretel was awoken by a kick."

Ni Jianyi took a look at a furious Kougaiji. He smiled. Blame Jiroushin, he mouthed at the red-headed youkai.

"Get up, you little wretch!" Ni Jianyi said, kicking Lirin. "Fetch some water and light the fire!"

Dokugakuji stopped Kougaiji from marching on to he stage.

"It's Jiroushin's fault!" Dokugakuji hissed to his struggling master.

"Right, where is he?" Kougaiji said, looking around as if hoping to see a sign pointing to where Jiroushin is. Fortunately for Jiroushin, he had another stmach ache and had gone back to the toilet. Kougaiji searched the whole back stage, determined to find him.

"Gretel was too frightened to disobey," Sanzo said, but just then...

"Why do I have to fetch water and light fire?" Lirin retorted. "You want it done, do it yourself!"

Ni Jianyi cleared his throat. "Lirin-sama," he said under his breath. "This is a play."

"Oh, right!" Lirin said. She jumped up and fetched the bucket of water and a stack of wood.

"You can cook a meal for your brother," Ni Jianyi said. "I want him fattened up before I eat him!"

"You want to eat oni-chan?" Lirin gasped, Kougaiji coming into her mind.

"The nap must have burned the little brain left," Sanzo muttered through the mic. Everyone heard it.

"Oi!" the carrot coloured hair yelled, annoyed.

"Ah, hara hetta!" Goku whined. Now everyone knew where he was! He's down the cellar in the middle of the stage.

"And everyday, the witch came to see how fat the baka saru was getting," Sanzo narrated. "He always held up one of the bones saru #2 passed to him. Lucky for that baka saru, the witch couldn't see further than the end of her nose."

"Let's feel you arm," Ni Jianyi said. Goku held up one of the bones he had. "Too thin. Still too thin!"

"At last, the witch decided she could wait no longer for the baka saru to fatten up," Sanzo said.

"Girl!" Ni Jianyi said. "Stoke the fire and get the oven hot. Fat or thin, I mean to eat your brother."

"The baka saru in the cage was amazed to see the other baka saru obeying so calmly," Sanzo narrated.

"Stop calling us baka saru!" Lirin and Goku yelled up at Sanzo.

Lirin threw some wood into the oven. "Please," she said to Ni Jianyi. "Will you check to see if the oven is hot enough?"

"The witch dashed forward at once, rubbing her hands greedily," Sanzo narrated. "The moment the witch stick her stupid head inside, Gretel pushed as hard as she could - and slammed the door shut!"

Ni Jianyi and Lirin did just that. Now the scientist found himself locked up in the oven with some wood.

Lirin ran over to the cellar.

"With trembling fingers, Gretel unbolted the entrance to the cellar," Sanzo narrated, sounding bored.

"Come out, Hansel!" Lirin cried. "The witch cannot harm us anymore!"

"But the greedy baka saru refused to leave the cottage without taking as much of the witch's treasure as they could," Sanzo droned as the curtain dropped.

The red curtain rose again to reveal the cardboard forest again. Hakkai and Gojyo are calling.

"Hansel!" Hakkai said. "Gretel!"

"Where are you two monkeys?" Gojyo, still in braids and dress, said grumpily.

"The woodcutter and his wife," Sanzo said, "had been loking for their children ever since the day they left them. They were so happy to find them back."

"We're here!" Goku yelled, running towards them with a sack.

"Kochi, kochi!" Lirin screamed, running so fast she nearly banged a cardboard bush down.

The four reunited. Hugs and whoops which nearly deafened the audience. Then Goku and Lirin poured out the treasure from the sack.

"At last," Hakkai said. "We can go home without any fears. We are a family again!"

"The family of four lived happily ever after," Sanzo said, yawning. "The end!"

A/N: I'm a liar. Okay, so I didn't do Sleeping Beauty first like I said I would. It's up next, for sure this time! Actually, Ni Jianyi's witch part is supposed to be mostly screaming, but I cannot imagine the louse screaming at all, so he's mostly a talking in a normal tone.

Alright, time to get busy! Click that button down there and review!


	7. Sleeping Beauty Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Sleeping Beauty

Roles

Princess Aurora - Rinrei (a doll in her baby form)

Prince Philip - Homura (Koryuu as young Philip)

King Stefan (Aurora's dad) - Kougaiji

Queen (Aurora's mum) - Yaone

King Hubert (Philip's dad) - Dokugakuji

Three Good Fairies - Flora - Sha Gojyo

- Fauna - Cho Hakkai

- Merryweather - Genjo Sanzo

Evil Maleficent - Ni Jianyi

Maleficent's raven - Bunny doll

Maleficent's goons - Son Goku

Nataku Taishi

Lirin

Samson the horse - ?

Majordomo - Komyou Sanzo

Narrators - Zenon and Shien

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin.

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Sleeping Beauty

Duk! Duk! Someone tapped the microphone.

"Testing, testing, 1 2 3," Shien said. There was the sound of shuffling papers. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our play, Sleeping Beauty."

"I know, I know," Zenon's voice boomed. "Jiroushin is not very original. He..."

"Let the play begin," Shien interrupted.

The red curtain rise. The stage is decorated as the throne room. Kougaiji as King Stefan sat grandly on the throne with Yaone as the queen sitting on another throne. A cradle painted gold stood beside Yaone.

Zenon cleared his throat. "Long ago, in a faraway land, King Stefan ruled with his beloved queen. For many, many years, the royal couple had hoped for a child."

"Finally," Shien took over, "their wish came true. They named their new daughter Aurora, after the dawn, because she filled their lives with sunshine."

Suddenly, a song filled the auditorium.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You made me happy when skies are gray_

_You never noticed how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

"What the - "

Then, quite clearly even without a mic...

"Kono baka saru!" Sanzo yelled. There was a BANG!

"Ite..." Goku groaned. The music stopped abruptlly.

"Ahem!" Shien coughed. "Zenon."

"Right," Zenon said. "The king and queen were so pleased that they declared a holiday to celebrate Aurora's birth. King Hubert, who ruled the neighbouring kingdom, arrived with his young son Prince Philip."

"A mighty ruler and a generous neighbour, King Hubert," Komyou Sanzo as the majordomo said. "And his son, Prince Philip!"

Dokugakuji, dressed up as the plump King Hubert, marched on stage with a huge grin plastered on his face. A surly-looking Koryuu dressed as the young Prince Philip followed.

"The two kings were the best of friends," Shien narrated as Dokugakuji and Kougaiji greeted and hugged each other. "They thought it would be a wonderful idea if Philip and Aurora would one day marry."

Koryuu looked disdainfully at the bundle inside the cradle which was supposed to be the new born baby princess.

"The last guests to arrive were the three fairies," Zenon took over.

"Their most honored and exalted excellencies, the three good fairies!" Komyou Sanzo as the majordomo said. "Mister Flora, Mister Fauna, and Mister Merryweather."

Jiroushin had very bad headache at the moment. He blinked after listening Komyou Sanzo's part and thought the splitting ache in his head had done something to his hearing.

Meanwhile, Gojyo, in red robes (Flora), came on stage followed by Hakkai, in green (Fauna), and Sanzo, in blue (Merryweather). The three of them bowed to Kougaiji and Yaone on the throne, or at least Hakkai did. Sanzo jerked his head irritably and Gojyo merely nodded. Then they went over to the cradle with the doll in it.

"Isn't she sweet?" Hakkai said with a wide smile.

"Em," Gojyo said. "Each of us may bless the child with a single gift," he said, sounding as if he'd swallowed the whole script. "My gift shall be the gift of beauty!"

He waved a golden baton over the cradle. "I wonder if I could ask her out when she's grown up," he added thoughtfully.

"Tiny princess," Hakkai said, waving his own golden baton. "My gift shall be the gift of song."

It's now Sanzo's turn as Merryweather. He sighed. "My gift to this stupid doll is..."

At the side of the stage, a fan propped up was on for the wind effect.

"Before Merryweaher could finish, the door blew open, thunder roared, and the room grew dark!" Zenon continued menacingly.

Ni Jianyi, looking even more like a mad scientist than ever now with his hair done and his black robes, came from back stage with his bunny doll.

"The wicked Maleficent appeared," Shien took over. "So did the bunny doll."

"Quite a glittering assembly, Prince Kougaiji," Ni Jianyi said. "Oops," he added unconvincingly.

"It's King Stefan," Jiroushin sighed.

"King Stefan," Ni Jianyi said with a wide grin. "I really felt quite distressed I didn't receive an invitation."

"You weren't wanted," Sanzo said with annoyance. "Just turn around and get out, crazy scientist!"

"Was that in the script, Kougaiji-sama?" Yaone whispered.

"Well, in that event, I'd best be on my way," Ni Jianyi said. "But to show I hold no ill feelings, I too have a gift."

Ni Jianyi pointed his bunny doll's hand towards the cradle. "The princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty," he said. "But before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die!"

"Oh, no!" Yaone as the queen cried. Ni Jianyi laughed and slowly disappeared back stage. Kougaiji realised that he'd dug his fingernails deep into the arm rest of the throne. Jiroushin won't be too happy when he finds out.

"Don't despair," Hakkai as Fauna said. "San - I mean - Merryweather still has his gift to give."

"Hm!" Sanzo as a very grumpy Merryweather said. "I can't break the stupid curse but I can help. If the princess is clumsy enough to prick her finger, she will not die. Instead, she will fall into a deep sleep, and awake only when true love's kiss breaks the spell."

Kougaiji as King Stefan stood up. "Burn all the spinning wheels in the land!" he ordered.

"King Stefan ordered all the spinning wheels in his kingdom to be burned," Shien narrated. "Even then, the three fairies worried about Maleficent's curse. Finally, they convinced the king and queen that the little princess would be safer living with them in a cottage hidden in the forest."

"Your Majesty," Hakkai as Fauna said. "The princess would be much safer living with us in a cottage hidden in the forest. Let us care for her till her sixteenth birthday."

"Alright," Kougaiji as King Stefan said after a pause. "Take care of Aurora. We shall see her again on her sixteenth birthday."

The red curtain dropped.

"The three fairies disguised themselves as mortals and raised Aurora as their own," Zenon narrated. "They called her Briar Rose."

The curtain rose. The glittering throne is replaced with a dark and spooky one. Ni Jianyi in his black robes stroked his bunny doll. Goku, Nataku and Lirin in their costumes stood in front of him.

"But as the princess's sixteenth birthday drew near, Maleficent grew more and more frustrated," Zenon narrated.

"It's incredible!" Ni Jianyi, as the evil Maleficent, said to the supposed goons. "Sixteen years and not a single trace of her! Are you sure you searched everywhere?"

"Yes, we did!" Goku as goon#1 said earnestly. "We've searched all the cradles in the land!"

"All of it," Nataku as goon#2 pressed.

"Yup, we did!" Lirin as goon#3 said, nodding her head.

"Cradles?" Ni Jianyi echoed. He faced his bunny doll. "Did you hear that, my pet? They searched all the cradles in the land!"

Ni Jianyi started laughing. He threw his head back and cackled maniacally. Goku, Nataku and Lirin nervously followed.

Suddenly, Ni Jianyi stopped. "You fools! Idiots!" he shouted.

The three of them scattered. All of them ran off stage. Ni Jianyi sat down on the black throne. He looked at his precious bunny doll.

"You are my last hope, my pet," he said with his cigarette between his teeth. "Search for a maid of sixteen with hair of sunshine gold and lips red as a rose. Go now and do not fail me!"

The red curtain dropped. Shien turned on his microphone. The curtain rose and a cardboard cottage with cardboard trees replaced the spooky castle throne.

"Meanwhile," Shien begin narrating, "Aurora had grown up happily in the cottage, never knowing about the curse or even her real name."

Rinrei was sweeping in front of the cottage.

"For her sixteenth birthday," Zenon's rougher voice took over, "the fairies planned a party with a special surprise. They decided to send her picking something so she would not discover their plans."

Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo hurried on stage with a basket and a shawl.

"Dear," Hakkai as Fauna said, shoving the basket into her hands as Gojyo wound the shawl around her. "We want you to go pick some berries."

"Berries?" Rinrei said in astonishment as the three of them pushed her away. "But I've already picked berries yesterday."

"Don't go too far," Sanzo as Merryweather growled.

"And don't speak to strangers," Gojyo as Flora added.

"Rose always enjoyed looking for berries," Shien narrated. "She loved walking through the quiet woods where she would sing about her dream prince."

Rinrei started singing. Her voice soothed Jiroushin's still aching head.

"It so happened that a prince was riding through the forest," Zenon took over abruptly, "and he happened to hear Rose singing."

Out came Homura on a horse, or more specifically two persons in a costume. After swaying to and fro, Homura had enough. He slid down.

"What now?" Jiroushin groaned. He felt as if someone is pounding a hammer at his skull.

"Why can't we just get a real horse?" Homura said.

"Yeah!" a muffled voice said.

"Save us from this hard work and shame," another muffled voice said.

"It's stuffy in here!" the first voice said.

Somewhere, the costume unzipped. The two voices belonged to...

A/N: A cliffhanger, a cliffhanger!! Sorry, but I just love cliffhangers, especially if only I know what's coming up next!


End file.
